On the Edge

20 Jul

I’ve been quiet for what feels like many weeks. I’ve stuffed my ears and closed my heart because I didn’t want to face one simple truth: this radiant soul shit is hard.

Mainly I’ve stopped writing much. In an attempt to provide more value with great content, I find myself waiting for the perfect post to drop into my lap like it’s some magical thing. I practically bare my teeth at the advice to “write every day” so I can improve my craft even though I know that’s really the way to go before I can become a master at this.

And at the end of it all, when I’ve spent yet another day away from pen and paper and yet another day wrapped in my mind, I find I’m still at the same place.

On the edge.

Teetering.

Feeling my world break open as I leave my old life behind me.

Wondering how to go on into the new life calling me.

Have you been here before? Have you been on the edge?

The challenge to be transparent and clear about my purpose has never been greater. Unveiling my desire to build a business and actions taken to make it happen has brought me to a place where I can only stand still as the resistance to change batters me left, right, front, and centre. I can only crouch in a huddle as my values + ideas are continuously questioned: Who am I? Why am I here? Does my work have meaning?

And the more I ponder these questions, the more I realise that it’s not about the accolades or the recognition. It’s about connection and community and interaction. How will I know if I’m making a difference if I don’t put myself out there? How will I serve my tribe and bond with them if I don’t show up and invite them to do the same?

Simple answer: I can’t, because presence is mandatory for any worthwhile experience.

And the longer I teeter on the edge, the clearer it becomes that I’m waiting for perfect. I’m waiting for sublime. I’m waiting for scorching-hot wisdom and kick-ass inspiration that make you go, “Hell YEAH, gimme some o’ that!”

But waiting’s never yielded the fruit of doing, has it?

So, today, I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of being stuck in a limbo of my own making, too afraid to grasp the tools at my disposal and engineer the changes I desire. I’m done being captive to doubt and indecision, the fear of failure and “not doing it right”; who’s to say who’s doing it right or wrong, anyway?

Instead, I’m going over the edge. Not leaping, because I might wait forever to jump; just stepping forward until there’s no  solid ground left beneath my feet. Only then can I fall back on nothing but my truth and my dreams to keep me going. Only then can I operate free of “but what if they don’t like it?” and “am I sure I’m doing the right thing?”.

Because the truth is being on the edge is exciting at first but you can’t stay there forever. You have to choose between going back or moving forward, otherwise you’ll slide into location paralysis like I did and just hover there. Uncomfortable. Stagnant. Torn between the tug of your comfort zone and the thrill of the unknown. At risk of losing sight of your end goal because you’re so focused on this one part of the process.

When you’re on the edge, breathe. Just breathe. Forget everything else. Just breathe, and move. Move. Forward into the wilderness of the unknown. Where your calling awaits. Where your true self is hidden. Where your heart is heading.

Move, and follow your instincts + intuition. Move, and walk with your senses. Move, and free the power of your spirit to flourish without being held back by your conscious mind.

So what’s next for you if you’re on the edge? Please share below; I’d love to know and help any way I can.

Image credit: Karen Salmansohn

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8 Responses to “On the Edge”

  1. wonderfeather 20/07/2012 at 19:46 #

    Beautiful post! Raw, brave, vulnerable and fantastic.

    “Because the truth is being on the edge is exciting at first but you can’t stay there forever. You have to choose between going back or moving forward, otherwise you’ll slide into location paralysis” That’s the truth! I know the feeling.

    Thank you for sharing this.

    • Otiti 20/07/2012 at 20:10 #

      Hi, wonderfeather! You’re welcome, and thank YOU for reading! 🙂 I find that we are not alone in experiencing our darkest moments, and it is only through sharing them that we make our way to the light. Otherwise we just stay stuck in the pain, you know? Thoroughly chuffed you can relate. 🙂

  2. sage jeffy davidson 21/07/2012 at 14:42 #

    Nice writting…

  3. Jolly 26/07/2012 at 11:56 #

    This felt like I was reading my own story. How bizarre and amazing at the same time. Thanks Otiti for sharing.

    • Otiti 26/07/2012 at 19:56 #

      You’re welcome, Jolly. Just goes to show that we’re never really alone in our experiences, eh? 😉

  4. Dami Thorpe 26/07/2012 at 17:36 #

    This is an exact truth. It is profound and like Wonderfeather it is raw and vulnerable. I like ur chosen expression and the fact that u have obliterated the idea that ppl like u who coach ppl don’t have any challenges whatsover. I like that u can connect with me thru dis piece. My best part is: So, today, I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of being stuck in a limbo of my own making, too afraid to grasp the tools at my disposal and engineer the changes I desire. I’m done being captive to doubt and indecision, the fear of failure and “not doing it right”; who’s to say who’s doing it right or wrong, anyway?

    • Otiti 26/07/2012 at 19:58 #

      Dami!!! Thank you, my friend. 😀 EVERYBODY has challenges and all that separates us is how we deal with them, you know?

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